My choice

 

“Looking back on my personal journey I can honestly say I can’t fault a woman for not breastfeeding or doing it long term. It’s hard and not beautiful as so many describe it to be. No one ever can truly tell you the pain and struggles you will have because every mother and child is different. You have to be strong willed to continue some days as even as the baby gets older and things aren’t painful you just want your space. Some days you wake up and just want to be you, not a mom 99% of the day. Some days you don’t want to smell of spoiled milk. Some days you just want to eat and drink whatever you want to eat. It’s definitely a sacrifice. Not to mention the what it does to the appearance of your breast. “

August is breastfeeding awareness month. As much as it is important to detail the importance of breastfeeding but also the real. This is my real. This is my past and current situation. 

Breastfeeding is hard, exhausting and emotionally draining. Nursing is not something you think you might try but something you have to make a firm decision to do. As a first time mom I had so many struggles nursing. Thankfully none of my issues involved clogged milk ducts, infections, or latching issues. My issue was nursing: the cluster feedings, getting use to the pressure on your chest, milk spraying from you (yes spraying). And man I wish someone would have at least acknowledged the suction power of a newborn’s mouth. Every time she latched on I did a silent scream. It was nothing like the pictures and it sure as heck didn’t feel natural. I felt like it took months (3 months in fact) before things became easier. 

Despite my struggles I fought on and nursed her almost to her first birthday. Breastfeeding my second baby girl was EASY, I had clogged milk ducts and she was a biter but we went on well past the first year. When she was first put on chest after until the last time we sat down together it was natural.

I am now nursing my third baby girl and though I cry tears of joy that I have the ability to nurse her at times, there are still those moments I have. I think every mom has them. I think motherhood in general is just a double edge sword sometimes. You want to drown in it and yet sometimes you literally feel like you’re drowning. 

**pause for the cause**

I gripe and complain about breastfeeding and how hard/uncomfortable it is at times because it is, but in-spite of it all there is no other choice for me. Yes breastfeeding is taxing but what about motherhood isn’t?