This past week Harper turned six months. I feel like her turning six months was looked at from a distance for such a long time. Now that the time has come, I feel as though I am on the back row of a roll coaster and I am being slapped around by every whip and dip hanging on for dear life to absorb everything before it passes me by. Time please slow down.
I will admit these 6 months have been hard, but not as hard as going from one to two kids that was a beast! Despite having two babies already, Harper coming 8 years after my last I feel so out of my element. It is like I’ve never had an infant before and I am really just grasping at straws at times. Don’t get me started on changes that have been made to all the baby gear, recommendations, standards I swear it is like starting your freshman year in college with over again, clueless. It’s so much information to absorb that it can be information over load. I learned with Jade and Ryan long ago to put down the books close the computer and enjoy your kids. I had to remind myself the same with Harper.
With each one of my pregnancies I joined one of those pregnancy message boards. They keep you occupied when you are on bedrest for months at time and they are a great place to talk about your upcoming baby at all times. The worst thing is the message board is the message board. The verbal fights that can take place between two women about motherhood is, at first entertaining but eventually becomes disappointing. Motherhood is the hardest and scariest job we will have why are we fighting each other about getting our membranes striped? We make so many mistakes and yet as much as we get wrong we get some much right too and it makes motherhood the everyday dance of small wins. As I began to log on less and less to my pregnancy board now turned to a ‘first year’ board I realize I was posting the say thing over and over again, “Trust your mommy institution, God made you the mommy of that baby for a reason. You know what is best even if you feel like you don’t”.
This is something I had to re-center for myself as a mom. I needed that in my face. What works for one family will not work for mine and what will work for my family will not work for others. All the books and recommendations out there are just concerned parents just pulling at straws hoping it works to help our kids the absolute best they can be. Once I closed the books, stepped away from my computer, closed the Wonder Weeks app (that was never accurate in her fussy stages…ever), I realized I can do this.
Harper is a hard baby no lie. She is always upset about something. She has her small tantrums already were she throws her body back when she does not get what she wants. Everything has to be put in her mouth at least one time. She is mad she can’t crawl, wants me to let her go when she is standing (as though she has enough balance to stand or sit), doesn’t like for me to read to her, she is done with any activity after 4 minutes, currently going through extreme separation anxiety, refuses to nap or sleep unless we are laying down nursing, refuses to take a bottle, refuses to take a pacifier, and was exactly what Jade, Ryan, and I needed when she arrived. She is absolutely prefect.
Minus me trudging through these months I am in awe everyday that this little girl is mine and has been added to my family. She is such a blessing, and she wonderful to have. Jade and Ryan are excited about being with her in anyway they can. The will do anything to make her laugh and move mountains to stop her from crying. She is so loved I don’t think she is even aware.
I am officially 6 months postpartum. Looking down at my body as I type this, yeah I can tell. Pregnancy is HARD on your body but did you know breastfeeding is not any nicer. Any muscle memory by body had it has packed its bags and left me. Its funny as you try to get back to ‘yourself’ or who ever that might be, it is truly an uphill battle. After having a baby you have huge shifts of hormones that leave and a huge shift that come in as you nurse. Your instincts want you to do nothing else but protect your small child. You also have to properly navigate how to properly insert this new human into your already busy household. It’s overwhelming looking at it from a distance when I was pregnant I would be in tears. But it is do able, just one day at a time. That was a lesson I learned from the birth my second daughter, take everyday one day at a time. I often consider what would I tell my pregnant self to help calm the anticipation of taking on there kids as a single mom. What I would say looking back six months…
First let me remind you over and over again, You Got This. Don’t lean on what you know is not steady. YOU can do this. Your body is tired , exhausted, and doing everything to fight you but despite all your current short comings you are still better then most on their best days.
Emotions are high right now. Cool your heels and come back down to reality and realize that things are pretty sweet the way they are.
I know you want to believe there has to be good in everyone. I know you want to believe that people make mistakes. The thing is there are mistakes and there are things that are intentions too. Know the difference. When someone shows you who they are, please dear Lord believe them. You know this, apply this, please. Walking away doesn’t not put your girls or your unborn baby in a disadvantage it puts you all in the advantage.
You have two little girls that are rock stars. They have been through it all with you and those are the only two people you need to focus on right now. They are still little girls but they are going to show you so much more then you ever expected. All they ever what is their mom, do your best to give yourself to them as much as you can while you can.
Your family: your mom, dad, and sister, you know they are not prefect. Be thankful that they are even around and involved for you to be upset with them. Enjoy the ups and downs of your pregnancy hormones but don’t let it linger more then a day. These people are really gold, believe it or not.
Eat as if you are fighting off lymphedema. Try your best to heal your baby through your consumption. Just try please, to make it right in any way possible for her. She is worth so much and more.
Go to the job interview, stay near your parents, eat up the moments with your daughters, and enjoy your march to becoming a mother of three.
Hey Marci, you got this…
P.S. Don’t buy those maternity clothes, you will be in them for like three months. They are not worth the bucks…